It's sunday 22:24PM. I'm 90% done with chapter 2 of my papers and tomorrow i'm going to go crazy and insert all the footnote i could find from the relevant law of the sea books on the library lol.
But i want to talk about yesterday.
I had a talk with two of my good friends yesterday, both have a very contradicting take on life.
One of them said: You are on your own in this world. You need to really put yourself ahead of everything, you need to put yourself first, don't settle for less, work hard to achieve your dreams even though it means you need be alone often, don't crave for other's justification and validity just focus on achieving and making your dreams come true, don't be too kind to people because people won't give a shit about your feelings and people will fuck you over and at the end of the day all you have is yourself. you're too nice to people that's why you always get fucked over.
And the other said: Always be kind to everyone even when they don't deserve it. You'll never know what kind of problems or situations you're going to be facing and maybe the only people who can help you get through it is the people you claimed you hate. Don't be too selfish. Act nice towards everyone even though they might not return the kindness back. You can't deal with life all by yourself so always be nice to everyone.
And i am a little bit of both.
Sometimes i put myself first, sometimes i put others first.
I agree with my friend's statement, we are alone in this world. That's why we shouldn't depend on people and we shouldn't let anyone define us but ourselves. But on the other hand we are social creatures, we can't help but crave for other's justifications and validations.. and we need other people in our lives too.
One of my friend said: "I always adore this one trait of yours, where you can be so friendly to everyone even though you might come off as annoying and fussy at first but then i slowly realize that's just how you act towards people and i see the kindness behind it. You have the potential of becoming a genuinely good person, you don't hate people no matter how wrong they did you. You always reached out to people and you forgive easily"
Then I said, that's the trait that gets me left behind. That's the trait i have that caused me disappointments and judgments. I can't live like that anymore, i don't want more people to leave me and i don't want people to see that i'm easy.. that i'm just that nice and my feelings don't matter. I'm tired of being constantly let down by people when i've done my very best to be kind to them no matter how annoying or no matter how undeserving of my kindness they really are. I don't want to be stupid..
But my friend said: No. You shouldn't be afraid of being nice to everyone. That's what separates you from any other people. Its what i always adore about you and its what makes you "you" and its just sad that you're slowly losing this trait of yours lately.
When my friend said "it's what separates you from others"... i really thought to myself... after the "thing" i always see this trait of mine as something negative, as something that i need to change but to hear that its actually what separates me from others, i feel like its not really what i have to change about myself.
Yes i love to interact with anyone! everyone! i love hearing stories.. i love talking with people in any age range.. i love to be engaged with people.
But yes of course most people will confuse my kindness with flirting.
Oh guys.. if i am flirting with you TRUST ME THERE WILL BE NO CONFUSION.
I act nice towards everyone because i believe everyone deserve to be treated nice. You don't know what's going on within everyone's life or what they've been through so why be rude when you can be nice instead? you can be the reason for other people's smile, or you can be the little something that makes the dark days a little brighter.. isn't that amazing? even with the smallest things like saying hello, smiling or striking a conversation.
There's this one time when i was on my way home. I was riding an ojek and after the small talk i kinda bring up something about the road is not being fixed very well by the government and then we literally talked about politics and governance throughout the way home and i soon learned he was a drop out from ITB and everything.. like, you'll never get to know all of this if you just stay still in silence playing with your phone.. i mean you are in control on how your life is going to turn out and i decided to talk to people so that i can learn from their experiences and get inspired, and also to have a good mind fulfilling conversations (sometimes).
i find people so fascinating and i like to know their stories. I'm always looking for inspirations in life and i feel like i can search for it from people, from their experiences.. the good, the bad..
I learned from their experiences and i always find their honesty mesmerizing. But that's what i've learned about people as well.. people tend to be more honest towards strangers because they have this thought that they're not going to meet each other ever again.
And one of the reason why i'm nice to everyone is because i realize everyone have their own demons to face, everyone is dealing with something. So instead of being rude or being apathetic.. why not say hi, why not be nice?
well that's just me.
some people wont get it, some people even left me because of it.
but i think.. this is who i am.
i know my boundaries.. and i have no ill intentions.
And the world needs more positivity too, too many bullshit have been going on. USA and Syria, the terrorist attacks on Europe, Kendall's pepsi commercial... geez world.
its 23:02PM now and my head is a little fuzzy.
I still have class to attend tomorrow at 9AM.. i can't be late.
So this is me signing off, good night, spread more positive vibes a;ways!
Song of the day: Lee Hi - Fool For Love.
Love&peace (and gaul), Ruth.
But i want to talk about yesterday.
I had a talk with two of my good friends yesterday, both have a very contradicting take on life.
One of them said: You are on your own in this world. You need to really put yourself ahead of everything, you need to put yourself first, don't settle for less, work hard to achieve your dreams even though it means you need be alone often, don't crave for other's justification and validity just focus on achieving and making your dreams come true, don't be too kind to people because people won't give a shit about your feelings and people will fuck you over and at the end of the day all you have is yourself. you're too nice to people that's why you always get fucked over.
And the other said: Always be kind to everyone even when they don't deserve it. You'll never know what kind of problems or situations you're going to be facing and maybe the only people who can help you get through it is the people you claimed you hate. Don't be too selfish. Act nice towards everyone even though they might not return the kindness back. You can't deal with life all by yourself so always be nice to everyone.
And i am a little bit of both.
Sometimes i put myself first, sometimes i put others first.
I agree with my friend's statement, we are alone in this world. That's why we shouldn't depend on people and we shouldn't let anyone define us but ourselves. But on the other hand we are social creatures, we can't help but crave for other's justifications and validations.. and we need other people in our lives too.
One of my friend said: "I always adore this one trait of yours, where you can be so friendly to everyone even though you might come off as annoying and fussy at first but then i slowly realize that's just how you act towards people and i see the kindness behind it. You have the potential of becoming a genuinely good person, you don't hate people no matter how wrong they did you. You always reached out to people and you forgive easily"
Then I said, that's the trait that gets me left behind. That's the trait i have that caused me disappointments and judgments. I can't live like that anymore, i don't want more people to leave me and i don't want people to see that i'm easy.. that i'm just that nice and my feelings don't matter. I'm tired of being constantly let down by people when i've done my very best to be kind to them no matter how annoying or no matter how undeserving of my kindness they really are. I don't want to be stupid..
But my friend said: No. You shouldn't be afraid of being nice to everyone. That's what separates you from any other people. Its what i always adore about you and its what makes you "you" and its just sad that you're slowly losing this trait of yours lately.
When my friend said "it's what separates you from others"... i really thought to myself... after the "thing" i always see this trait of mine as something negative, as something that i need to change but to hear that its actually what separates me from others, i feel like its not really what i have to change about myself.
Yes i love to interact with anyone! everyone! i love hearing stories.. i love talking with people in any age range.. i love to be engaged with people.
But yes of course most people will confuse my kindness with flirting.
Oh guys.. if i am flirting with you TRUST ME THERE WILL BE NO CONFUSION.
I act nice towards everyone because i believe everyone deserve to be treated nice. You don't know what's going on within everyone's life or what they've been through so why be rude when you can be nice instead? you can be the reason for other people's smile, or you can be the little something that makes the dark days a little brighter.. isn't that amazing? even with the smallest things like saying hello, smiling or striking a conversation.
There's this one time when i was on my way home. I was riding an ojek and after the small talk i kinda bring up something about the road is not being fixed very well by the government and then we literally talked about politics and governance throughout the way home and i soon learned he was a drop out from ITB and everything.. like, you'll never get to know all of this if you just stay still in silence playing with your phone.. i mean you are in control on how your life is going to turn out and i decided to talk to people so that i can learn from their experiences and get inspired, and also to have a good mind fulfilling conversations (sometimes).
i find people so fascinating and i like to know their stories. I'm always looking for inspirations in life and i feel like i can search for it from people, from their experiences.. the good, the bad..
I learned from their experiences and i always find their honesty mesmerizing. But that's what i've learned about people as well.. people tend to be more honest towards strangers because they have this thought that they're not going to meet each other ever again.
And one of the reason why i'm nice to everyone is because i realize everyone have their own demons to face, everyone is dealing with something. So instead of being rude or being apathetic.. why not say hi, why not be nice?
well that's just me.
some people wont get it, some people even left me because of it.
but i think.. this is who i am.
i know my boundaries.. and i have no ill intentions.
And the world needs more positivity too, too many bullshit have been going on. USA and Syria, the terrorist attacks on Europe, Kendall's pepsi commercial... geez world.
its 23:02PM now and my head is a little fuzzy.
I still have class to attend tomorrow at 9AM.. i can't be late.
So this is me signing off, good night, spread more positive vibes a;ways!
Song of the day: Lee Hi - Fool For Love.
Love&peace (and gaul), Ruth.
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