Lately, I find myself changing.
I used to be a girl who cares a lot about what other people think of her, a girl who tries her best to please and impress everyone around her -- so thirsty for acceptance and validation.
Now that I have been through a lot of stuff, I am stronger. I put myself first above everything else. I realized a lot of stuff too; I realized that I should only compare myself to the person I was yesterday, not to other people's today. I realized that it is impossible to please and impress everyone because each person has their universe and standards. I gave up the idea of perfection and embraced the real messy me, whilst trying to always grow and improve myself as a better person.
The journey to the "growth mountain" is tiring.. and I lost a lot of friends along the way. I have not been talking to my old friends from college much, I have been busy with work during the weekdays that I don't catch up much with my friends in Jakarta either.. so I am so used to being alone. I found peace and comfort in the solitude. I was happy that I was free, nobody can set the course of my path and goals except myself.
This "me me me" mindset has cultivated me into a self-oriented person. I could say that I am not very good at managing my own emotions because I see it as a hurdle to growth that I aspire to achieve. So I developed the tendency to bury my emotions six feet deep so that emotions could not see the light of day.
Until I read Mark Manson's (one of my favorite people in the world) book that says I have to cooperate with it to live a balanced life. So I tried to, I tried to let my feelings and emotions show and not restrict them to be felt.. but boy I am still struggling.
Now I have a boyfriend and things have changed.
I have to adjust to his goals and purpose and I have to tend to his emotions. How could I? I am still having problems identifying and coping with mine. Now I have to deal with his emotions as well. And boy, he has A LOT of emotions.
I am just confused on how am I supposed to deal with all this. This is way too overwhelming for me. Maybe.. just maybe.. I am not meant to be in a relationship until I got this shit figured out. Help me out, anyone.
I used to be a girl who cares a lot about what other people think of her, a girl who tries her best to please and impress everyone around her -- so thirsty for acceptance and validation.
Now that I have been through a lot of stuff, I am stronger. I put myself first above everything else. I realized a lot of stuff too; I realized that I should only compare myself to the person I was yesterday, not to other people's today. I realized that it is impossible to please and impress everyone because each person has their universe and standards. I gave up the idea of perfection and embraced the real messy me, whilst trying to always grow and improve myself as a better person.
The journey to the "growth mountain" is tiring.. and I lost a lot of friends along the way. I have not been talking to my old friends from college much, I have been busy with work during the weekdays that I don't catch up much with my friends in Jakarta either.. so I am so used to being alone. I found peace and comfort in the solitude. I was happy that I was free, nobody can set the course of my path and goals except myself.
This "me me me" mindset has cultivated me into a self-oriented person. I could say that I am not very good at managing my own emotions because I see it as a hurdle to growth that I aspire to achieve. So I developed the tendency to bury my emotions six feet deep so that emotions could not see the light of day.
Until I read Mark Manson's (one of my favorite people in the world) book that says I have to cooperate with it to live a balanced life. So I tried to, I tried to let my feelings and emotions show and not restrict them to be felt.. but boy I am still struggling.
Now I have a boyfriend and things have changed.
I have to adjust to his goals and purpose and I have to tend to his emotions. How could I? I am still having problems identifying and coping with mine. Now I have to deal with his emotions as well. And boy, he has A LOT of emotions.
I am just confused on how am I supposed to deal with all this. This is way too overwhelming for me. Maybe.. just maybe.. I am not meant to be in a relationship until I got this shit figured out. Help me out, anyone.
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